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by Mary A. Kassian
Your sister has just moved into a beautiful new home and instead of being happy for her, you’ve got a little green-eyed monster putting the squeeze on your heart. Outwardly you’re all smiles and congratulations, but inwardly you resent the fact that she’s getting ahead while you’re spinning your wheels – stuck in a rut.
Envy is the age-old monster that motivated Cain to murder his brother Abel, and the wicked Queen to poison her step-daughter, Snow White. According to the Bible, it’s an evil that leads to quarrels, fights, disorder, and “every vile practice” (See James 3:14-4:2) .
Envy Rots the Bones
Envy wraps its ugly green tentacles around our hearts whenever we observe the success or advantage of others and feel a painful or resentful awareness of our own lack. The monster can show up in virtually any situation. We might covet a neighbor’s swimming pool, resent a co-worker’s promotion, begrudge the beauty of a lady in our exercise class, yearn to have a husband like our girlfriend’s, seethe when someone else’s child gets the MVP award, crave someone else’s talent, or feel slighted when others are recognized and we are not.
Envy is one of the seven deadly sins identified by the early church Fathers. It was categorized as “deadly” because of the terrible damage it does to the soul. Medieval artists depict envy as a monster gnawing on the heart. As Proverbs says, “a tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot” (Prov. 14:30, ESV). Envy’s a malignancy that eats away at our spirits. Left unchecked, it can destroy us from the inside out.
Envy Distorts Perspective
The problem with envy is that it warps our perspective. When we perceive others to have an advantage over us, we subconsciously feel the need to “level the playing field.” We attempt to make up the difference by puffing ourselves up and pulling them down. Like birds, we splay out our own feathers and peck at our opponent’s eyes.
The envious person focuses on the other person’s deficiencies, and concludes that that person is full-of-herself, cold, arrogant, or flawed in character. The envious person is blind to the fact that the problem is not her competitor, but the green-eyed monster that has dug its talons into her own heart.
Envy Causes Division
When envy festers, it erodes and damages relationships. When we envy, we obsesses with others’ seemingly unfair advantage and become spiteful towards them. Our hearts become malicious. We want to cut them down to size. So we slander, whisper, spread gossip, revel in their flaws, and wait like a vulture for them to falter or fail. The monster of envy breathes out a poisonous vapor that can infect an entire community. It’s the breakdown of countless relationships.
Thankfully, with God’s help, we can replace envy with “tranquility.” A peaceful, tranquil heart breathes out blessing and life… and chokes this terrible bone-rotting monster.
Choking the Monster of Envy
So how do we choke the monster? Grab a pen and a sheet of paper and these questions to begin to loosen envy’s grip on your heart:
Step One: Honestly examine yourself James said, “…if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth” (3:14 ESV). In other words, if you’re envious, admit it! To choke the evil green-eyed monster, you first need to see and admit that he’s there.
Take a hard, honest look at your heart. On a piece of paper, write the names or initials of friends and acquaintances that you secretly envy. (Hint: Think of people that you privately criticize, mock, deride, slander, resent, or are malicious or insecure towards. Don’t be blind. It could be that the problem is YOU!)
Step Two: Confess and repent James pointed out that it is possible to “boast” about the envy in our hearts. We do this when we shrug off our attitude as justifiable in light of the other person’s behavior, and fail to regard our own sinfulness as a serious offence against God. To repent means to have a change of mind – to amend one’s attitude. Are you willing to do this with regards to the names you listed above?
Yes? No? I’m not sure?
Step Three: Sow seeds of blessing According to James, you can choke the monster of envy by sowing seeds of peace and blessing in your relationships (3:17). The way to do this is to purposefully change your behavior to bless (and not curse) the person you envy. Make a point of speaking well of her, encourage her, take her out for coffee, send her a card. Jot down your ideas in the margin or in your journal. And make sure to follow through! James guarantees that those who sow righteous seeds will kill the monster and reap a bountiful harvest: “a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace” (3:18).
Related articles:
The art of encouragement
Living simply
Mary Kassian is a Canadian author, conference speaker, and president of Alabaster Flask Ministries. She and her husband Brent have mastered the art of cheering after spending countless hours watching their sons play ice hockey and volleyball. The Kassian clan and their black lab, General Beau, live in Western Canada. Visit her website at www.marykassian.com