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by Stefanie Coutinho, with Christina RalphIs your journey leading you down the wrong path? We want to hear from you
Though it seemed unlikely, my life’s dream was to be a model. In high school, a judge for the school fashion show thought I had the exotic look of a fashion model. That judge began helping me get pictures together, and a photographer took me under her belt, teaching me what to watch out for in the modeling business.
I was a more quiet and introspective person, and although I didn’t like to be the center of attention in my everyday life, I enjoyed being on stage and in front of the camera. It was just natural for me. I wasn’t considered popular or attractive, but I was drawn to modeling. A month later, at the age of fifteen, I was signed with a modeling agency in New York. That same day I was booked for a fashion spread in Seventeen magazine.
My new career took off!
It flew me all over the U.S. at just sixteen years of age – and I loved it! I enjoyed the freedom and excitement of traveling, meeting new people, and being independent. I felt I had my life under control.
After high school, I began a very hectic schedule as a model. Eventually, my clientele brought me to Miami for work, where I met my husband. I was happy in my life, career, family and marriage, and never had any real troubles.
But then everything happened all at once.
My brother’s new born baby died after several surgeries. My apartment pipes exploded when friends had accidentally left my oven on and the windows were glued shut. The same year on my birthday, I was stranded on an island with a modeling crew, and when I got back home I was all alone again. I became extremely sick and began to collapse. The doctors diagnosed me with Crohn’s disease, a disease of the intestine. I had been sick for a few years, and by the time I was tested, I was severely anemic.
I already knew how sick I was, which is why I didn’t go to the doctor for so long. I knew I was suffering from something awful and didn’t want to see the look in the doctors’ eyes. I was hard-headed and refused to do tests because of plans to go to Miami. Although the doctor said to me, “You don’t understand. You could easily die here,” I didn’t want to stay. I didn’t want to stop everything and felt good about sticking with what I had planned. So I promised him I would do the tests in Miami, and flew down anyway. I was determined not to give in to being sick. Besides, he was just telling me what I already knew. And though I knew I was going to die, I wanted to keep going.
I thought to myself, “What just hit me?”
While in Miami I watched my life, my apartment, my work, my family, and even my own health spiral out of control. I felt so helpless. It was there, while my husband was away in Paris, that God began to get my attention. Until all of these things happened, I felt like I had it “together”, making decisions for my life and doing well on my own. But now, my circumstances were showing me that I didn’t have as much control as I thought I did. I was in bed, alone and sick! My niece died, I just got back from an awful trip, my apartment was a wreck and I was lonely.
Since I was ill in bed, I had a lot of time to think. It was then that I decided to buy a Bible – even though I was mortified by the thought of becoming “religious”. I had not talked to anyone about it and didn’t even think it would help me much, but I just kind of felt compelled to. So I got up and went to the bookstore down the street. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone there and finally found a Bible. I remember being embarrassed bringing it up to the register. When I got back to my place, I opened it up and had the hardest time reading it, because it was the Old King James version.
Soon I had become so physically ill that I actually let a friend of mine take me to a prayer meeting at a church. I thought it was silly but I was desperate and scared because my doctor suspected that my illness was incurable. At the prayer meeting people prayed aloud for me and kept telling me that God had a plan for my life. But I was angry inside and felt a little overwhelmed at the whole thing. That’s when an unexplainable tingling feeling blanketed me, and I wept.
Something had changed
The next day, I had extensive medical testing, and when it was finished I learned that my health was fully restored! God had healed me and I felt so well! I believe that I was healed from more than just Crohn’s disease. That night I was also healed spiritually – I came to know a God who personally loves me, and who can do anything – even restore my health.
I was raised going to church and considered myself to be a Christian although I didn’t really believe in the Bible and rarely prayed. My god was a god of convenience. But the night I was healed, Jesus Christ became real to me. I realized my need for Him, and that fact that He was in control of all things. It made me willing to give Him the reins of my life when all along I had lived only for myself.
I developed a true faith in Jesus and understood that he suffered and died on a cross so that we could be together forever. I began to see how God had His hand on me from day one and I decided to commit my life to Him.
My husband experienced the miracles of my health being restored and he was amazed! He also saw how I was broken free from a smoking addiction that had a hold of me for years. What had once been so enjoyable to me was something I didn’t want to be around anymore. Soon, my husband also committed his life to Christ and we began to see that all good things came from His hand. Joy replaced the sadness that had been so prevalent in our lives.
There is so much more to life
When my world fell apart, I realized that life is so much more than working and trying to maintain control of everything. Now I make decisions based on the God I’ve come to know, rather than on what I want to do. I have peace in knowing the Person who created the universe, who knitted me in my mother’s womb and who knows every part of you and me, is the One who is in control of my life.
I’ve found that He is the only constant thing. People will let you down, and things will come and go, but God will always be there. He is always there to guide me through my day and the many decision I make, letting me know when I need to do something or just be still.
Today, I am still modeling and acting, but now I see my identity is found in who I am in Christ and not what other people think of me. I am able to have peace in giving my cares to Him, and letting Him make them right. God is my first priority and goes into every part of my life, including my husband and my work.
Being a model and a woman brings tremendous influence with it. Now I am excited when I see each job as my mission field. Sometimes my purpose here is to help and encourage others or to even be encouraged myself. Often when God uses me to help others, I find that it really is a huge blessing to me.
Clothes, makeup and fame never really mattered much. It’s more about the people. The more I dwell on myself, the uglier I get. I know I am beautiful in God’s sight through Jesus. I take what He gives me and I give it away.
God gives each of us gifts. You have a choice to take them and use them for yourself, or you can use them for God’s glory. Use them and you will see beauty. Stop being consumed with yourself and fix your thoughts on Him. God called you and chose you, and there is a reason for that.
When you ask Jesus into your life, you are given the Holy Spirit as your counselor and guide. When you open the Bible and pray for wisdom, you will see things that you could not if the Spirit did not show you. Pray, listen and obey. He will show you what you need to do. He knows your needs. He made you and He knows you more than you know yourself, and He is right there waiting for you with open arms. You don’t need to clean yourself up to go to Him, He takes you just the way you are, and will come in and heal your deepest wounds to give you peace like you’ve never experienced. It no longer becomes conditional peace, but contentment in all circumstances. That is true love and true acceptance. You will not find it anywhere else.
Trusting Jesus was the first step to huge adventures in our lives. Life is not always easy, but I know Christ is always with me. These promises are available to you as well. Why not pray this simple prayer in faith today and release the reins of your life back into God’s hands.
Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?
Living with hope
If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.
Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
Is this the life for you?
If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you'll experience life to the fullest.
