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My partner and I have two children. Our daughter is four and our son is a year old. We are separating and he wants to keep our children for six months and then have me keep them for six months. I feel that will be difficult for the them. I am moving to the west coast and we will not be close at all. How much time should we each have the children so that it doesn't make things difficult for them?
First of all, you need to stay close to your children. Either you need to get an attorney to file with the court to get custody of the children through a legal separation or divorce, or you need to stay put. Your children at this age will not be able to stand the separation. Nothing is more important now than considering their best interests. If you do this without a judgment from the court, then your partner will file that you have abandoned the children and try to get custody after you leave. Check this out with an attorney. I am not a lawyer but I do know that you could be in hot water for doing this.
The other very important aspect of this decision is the matter of your children's welfare and their needs. This will traumatize them and be totally impossible when they begin attending school. Read some of the books on divorce which talk about children's needs such as When the Vow Breaks. Get involved in a Divorce Care group near you. In most situations, when a spouse gets visitation rights or joint custody, the custodial spouse needs to live nearby. Read about How to Know God Personally in order to find God's guidance for your life and His strength in this situation.
Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC, is a Marriage and Family Counselor and National Certified Counselor, author and speaker. She is the Executive Chair of the Chicagoland CBWC: Connecting Business Women to Christ organization. Lynette is co-founder of CounselCare Connection, P.C. providing online & office counseling for individuals, couples and families. Lynette regularly presents marriage, assertiveness, grief and divorce recovery, anger and stress management seminars.
©2004 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
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